It is always interesting to realize how much you have changed. Sometimes this only happens when you visit with old friends, you haven't seen for a while, or when you return home for the holidays for the first time in a few years.
As I prepare to become a homeowner, I've been reflecting a bit about the meaning of home. They say home is where the heart is, andin some respects it's true, but for me having a home of my (well really "our") own, is the culmination of a process that started long ago.
I haven't lived at home at all since 2002, where I spent the summer after my second year of university so it's been a while, and I haven't spent a Christmas here for several years.
It's funny though how some things don't change, my brothers are still mostly the same though I can't get over how much the youngest one has grown. Since I'm the only one that's fully left home and in another city, I can see how the remaining members of my family have adapted and gotten used to each other, and adapted.
I often find it a bit weird coming back home, as any of the established patterns I remember, are broken or changed, or adapted or ignored, while others have taken their place. This is especially true since my dad died. He seemed to impose a certain kind of order on the household and it has been interesting to see how everyone adapted to the vacuum he left. For me, my routines were established somewhere else, and I didn't see him all that often, though we talked fairly regularly until the last few years.
Anyways it'll be interesting to see what happens over the next few years as I establish my own home, and make memories in it.
1 comment:
The closing of that vaccuum left by a family member who has died, is one of the freakiest things about the death of someone close to you, I find. At first there's this big, gaping hole. But it fills in so quickly, it's frightening. It's like the laws of nature demand that vacuum/hole be filled and as soon as possible. Not to say that person is forgotten, just the space they occupied on earth cannot remain a space for very long. Does that make sense?
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